You Suffer By Choice And You Can Stop It

Posted by

“People have hard time letting go of suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar” – Thich Nhat Hanh

I guess you agree with is quote, either from your experience or from the experience of others. It sounds harsh when we are told that we are responsible for what happens in our lives including the pain that we are currently enduring.

For most of what is happening in our lives, chances are that you are responsible for inviting through your thoughts.

As human beings, we seem to have perfected the skill of visiting suffering and pain to our lives.

Here are a few simple examples, yet the consequences are grave:

– We spend money we don’t have only to end up in debt. This has the potential to spill into other areas of your life with dire consequences. Finances are rated as one of the top reasons why people divorce. You may be saying Wow! Yes, its true.

– You may know the program called “My 600 LB life”. Most people shown on the program have landed huge weight due to addiction to food. One person who weighed 317kg (700LB) said with deep pain that “I have left it to go this far, I need to kill the old me because I cannot do anything for may family”. I could sense his pain from the screen of my telly.

– How many times have you ignored that gnawing feeling about something that you did not want to do but felt compelled to do because your friends wanted it? I refer to that binge drinking that caused you your job and your relationship? Who is left with the pain now?

– You may know people who harbour anger and negativity to a point where their anger destroyed families, business and churches and most importantly themselves. Watch the movie by Tyler Perry, Acrimony, and you will know what I am talking about.

I believe you get the gist. The question is, how do we land here? The answer is found in Philip Martin’s words, “Our suffering comes from our attachment to people and things, our repeated attempts to find something lasting where there is nothing lasting to be found”

We remain chained to these attachments because we convince ourselves that we do not have a choice. This is a big BS (excuse my French), we have a choice. When people say they do not have a choice, they simply mean that they do not want to accept and live with the consequences that come with change.

Yes, change is painful but remaining the same is more excruciating. You have what it takes to stop the self-inflicted pain.

Explore this further with me during my live workshops:

19 May 2018: Johannesburg (Alberton Civic Centre)
26 May 2018: Kroonstad – Café Uhuru (Free State)

Contact us on

Tex Hlalele
Think Big, Dream Wild & Prosper

Tex Hlalele is a life and business coach and inspirational speaker. He is the author of the book, Face The Person In The Mirror. Book coaching and speaking engagements by calling +27 64 6566174 or visit

If you liked this piece, please sign up to receive email correspondence that will come to you once a week.


Leave a Reply